Yes, that’s the worst thing about stress. I bore myself and I think I am boring others. I cannot blog about the lawsuit that Jerry and I are involved in but I can talk about the stress it causes, and thus bore myself and my readers.
Stress makes me feel physically ill. I get a tight feeling in my chest and my legs and knees seem weak and shaky. For a time I was getting headaches, but these seem to have passed.
We have spent a quiet week — our lawyer is on vacation. I thought I was getting over the anxiety. But Monday was a bad day and I felt ill all day. On Tuesday we went to town — a distraction. The New York Times and shopping helped. I dislike shopping but it forces me stop dwelling on how I feel. It rained for a few days which was an impediment to gardening. I like to get out in the garden and do some kind of strenuous work — dig, weed, rake — as Jerry says, just be among my plants and flowers. Strenuous exercise relieves stress by releasing endorphins in the body.
The sun came out and I worked like crazy in the garden. I washed clothes and hung them on the line in the sun. Sunlight is good for stress.
We had tenants in our little rental this weekend. A young man with two little boys, 7 and 9. The father was fit and muscular with a shaved head and a lot of tattoos. They all went around on bikes for a while, then the kids biked and the father jogged behind them. Suddenly yesterday another car arrived and there was a second young man, almost identical to the first, shaved head and all. I never got a close look at the second one, but from a distance they looked just alike. The weather was good and I think they all had fun. I enjoyed what little I saw of them and did some thinking about the modern family. It’s looking out the window of my own life at a rainbow of variety.
I look out the window over my desk as I write. There are lots of birds at my feeder
. Starlings are bringing their children. They are such ugly birds, and their children are squawky and demanding. Sometimes a big fat baby just sits in the feeder and waits for a parent to come and shove food down its beak. Starlings try to scare off the other birds and usually succeed but I watched repeated encounters between a downy woodpecker and starlings that tried to drive him away from the suet feeder. The downy won every time and had his fill of suet before he flew away. Even the bird world is full of drama.
Now spring morphs into summer. Daffodils are all gone, lilacs are fading, big red oriental poppies about to bloom. Purple irises, sometimes called flags, are out and the yellow-green ladies mantle is spreading everywhere. We have had two meals of greens that I grew in barrels and tomatoes are planted in the greenhouse. It will be a long time before we have any tomatoes. Jerry has to mow the grass at least once a week.
Legal activity resumes next week. I dread it.